Introduction
If you are like me, you probably have many frustrations, concerns, or paranoia about the Pokemon Trading Card Game and the Pokemon Empire. For example, why was Smoochum from Undaunted a rare card????? Why would anyone create a ridiculous card like Mom’s Kindness???? We need to get to them bottom of some things, so I am composing a letter to the Pokemon Big Kahuna himself, Mr. Tsunekazu Ishihara (known by friends as “Ishy”).
I would appreciate any feedback or additional items you may want me to add to the letter, and I will let you know Ishy’s response in a few weeks. I was able to get a direct e-mail address to Ishy thanks to the Pokebeach spies embedded deep inside the regime. I appreciate their continued willingness to risk their lives for the good of all Poke-kind.
Dear Mr. Tsunekazu Ishihara, 石原恒, Supreme Ruler of All Things Pokemon :
First of all, thank you for creating Pokemon- my children and I are all happily addicted. We spend countless hours playing Pokemon- not only the card game, but also on little Japanese-made Nintendo DS systems. As a businessman, I enjoy wasting my money on ridiculous amounts of card packs and rare Pokemon that wind up in boxes in my basement.
Also, we love Japan and all of your friendly black-haired people and appreciate your country’s contribution of Sushi, Japanese steak houses, and karate. Congratulations on your country winning the World Championships this year, and we will make sure to kick your- I mean- challenge your country next year.
I understand from Wikipedia that your favorite Pokemon is Exeggutor. He is an “egg-cellent” choice and will hopefully continue to “eggsplode” often and bring honor not only to Japan but to all countries where Pokemon enthusiasts thrive.
Enough with the formalities- let’s get down to business. As a Pokemon player, fan, and card investor/junkie, I wish to pick a few bones with you and your Pokemon Empire. I represent the noble contingent of American Pokemon addicts who purchase at least 90% of your cards, video games and other overcommercialized Poke-products.
Please answer these questions with all truthiness (for all you Steven Colbert lovers out there), or my Exeggutor collection may face the wrath of a few of my Pokemon buddies.
Questions
1. Location of Pokemon World Championships
I know you guys love Hawaiian surfing babes and Katie Perry’s California Girls, but seriously- can you PLEASE pick a better place for the World Championships? I could live with Orlando, but something needs to change. Might I make the humble suggestion- Lancaster, Pennsylvania?
This scenic location is centrally located and just a few hours from New York City, Philadelphia, and the Baltimore/DC area and would be PERFECT for hosting the World Championships every year. And I’m not saying that just because I live here. OK, maybe I am, but give it some thought, will you? (Did I mention my Exeggutor collection is extremely flammable?)
2. New Card Releases- America’s Turn!
Listen, we are sick and tired of Japan getting all of the new Pokemon cards first! We love Pokemon just as much as you guys. All this does is force the guys at Pokebeach to infiltrate your secret empire and give us a heads up on what’s coming down the pike. So, save us all the effort and drama and just print the English cards first.
3. Fossil and Legend Cards
What were you guys smoking when you developed these cards? Kudos on the artwork and the general idea of the Legend Cards. But, you created a crap-load of supporters/trainers/energy for SP Pokemon but don’t give jack squat to help these other cards out. WHERE’S THE LOVE, MAN??!?!???
4. Recent Sets
The recent sets had so many crappy cards that I seriously almost considered skipping prerelease tournaments. Seriously, look at Smoochum from Undaunted. Why in the name of all that is holy is this Hariyama considered a rare Pokemon? And Lanturn from Unleashed? Will you PLEASE make sure that all rare and secret rare cards are actually worth playing???
5. The Crap Overload
Why is it that about 90% of the cards from any set are complete practically useless in organized play?
6. Donk Decks
I actually thought the point of the Pokemon Trading Game was to have a reasonable battle with your opponent instead of trying to the turn 1 knockout! Can you please do something to change the rules of the game to make sure this doesn’t happen????
Thank you sir for taking time to read this letter, and I hope to hear from you soon. If for any reason this letter has offended you or your Pokemon minions, my name is really Adam, and I run a website called SixPrizes.com.

















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